Post by sawg138 on Jul 5, 2013 21:16:29 GMT -5
November 4th, year 102 PA
Silvie's River Overlook camp At Hustler's Gulch, about fifteen kilometers due northwest of Juarez
I am told that we had another visitation from the evil dreams that keep filtering into my head. And this time, I cost some poor cousin his mind. At my much ignored request, the "old folk" have decided it's probably best to get me out of Juarez. LG has gone with me and I have Astraphos, of course, but other than that, we're alone. Cleo should be along soon. I'm already feeling better just being outside of Juarez's walls. I know it's not as safe out here, but I feel more at peace away from that city.
I don't know what will happen next, as far as our overriding plans. Anna seems to be in campaign mode. I don't know how much of it is watching a mind melter get stripped down to a puddle of drooling idiot by something that can reach out and touch someone through me or if she's still just reeling from the loss of her ships and folk. I might not much agree with piracy, but her crew was good folk, they were doing amazing things round that wasted city. I hope wherever their souls go, it's someplace shiny, Apollo and Eros grant.
Elex is still a mystery to me. When I went out with Silvie, he seemed so strong, so wise. The very model of the modern major cyberknight. Now, it's like he's gone tribal. Okay, I get that he's got a girl friend or wife or whatever the situation is with him and Miss Chu'si. And I don't begrudge him that. But he come back from the woods dressed in animal skins and such, and he hasn't much changed back into his other clothes. And he keeps telling me he's not a cyberknight anymore? My confusion grows and he's not exactly been all scholarly and teachery.
Master Jeff seems to be the only cyberknight around I can trust or talk to and even he's a bit distant from me. I don't understand. He was all gung-ho about teaching me, now he's kinda flaky. I guess him and the Captain are still working to fix things up. Theys invested lots of time and treasure and heart in Juarez. Scary stuff keeps happening all around their home and they still keep trying. Gotta respect that kind of dedication. Definitely respect that will to do right by folks. Guess maybe they figure I'm a lost cause since I went to hunt bad guys with Silvie. Well, there is that evil doom prophet thing and how I keep telling them how dumb they are for letting Gash go.
That keeps bothering me. I should have killed her. I know it's not the right thing to just walk up to her and pop my blade in her forehead. I can't help it. My folk always have hated vampires. Caint trust em, caint deal plain with em, caint even expect them to do what's in their own best interest if it includes something good for you. And with my visions and what I see Gash doing to LG...
That bothers me too. Lately, my feelings for her have gotten very strong. Which doesn't make sense. I like my own kind, and I know she's not. There aint a possible way to make anything like that happen with her. I don't even know why I feel like this. I mean, okay, part of it is that I want to protect folk. But any cyberknight would do that. Part of it is that she's a friend. And she is pretty in just about every form of hers I've seen. I just wonder what these weird feelings in me are about her. Is it Love? Eros guide me.
November 16, year 102 PA
Somewhere near the border of old Texas and old Louisiana
I feel things getting a bit crazy in my head. We've been traveling for days, moving slowly. I guess it's better than just driving ahead full speed and finding more trouble than we're already hunting.
Cleo and I have been paired up as advance scouts. Makes shiny sense to me. I'm not worried about them liking this pairing in order to talk behind my back. I pretty much know they think I'm more than a little touched betwixt the ears. The fact that Cleo hasn't gone running screaming from me with her hair on fire proves she's a true friend.
It's been decided that we run east, inland from the mighty Gulf of Mexico. We aren't much far from the Bay of New Orleans, and I feel eyes are all over us. I hear that the folk that settled these swampy planes and forestlands are called Cajuns. So far they've not made much peep about us being near their lands. Mayhap they'll just let us slip through without no dust up. Some parts of the crew is looking like they'd like a fight. I dont know if they just be bored, or if they be reacting to the tension everyone feels.
We had a bad storm two nights back, which was good in many ways. It allowed us to refill our drinking water, I and more than a few others also took the opportunity to wash some of the road we done walked off us. Mixing dirt is good, sometimes, but not smelling like a hog stable is better. We managed to down a few dino's the other day, so we're good on meat for a while.
November 20th, year 102 PA
The hills of dinosaur swamp, somewhere in old Alabama (best guess)
Well, now its all twisted innards. The little friend in my head has come out to play again. He nearly got me killed and then started spilling secrets from inside my own rather empty cranium. Kima nearly crushed my sternum. Elex was insane, attacking me. Then Nigel took over my body, talking sideways out my rectum.
So, with a angry dragon in camp, I told her about my feelings. things I don't rightly recon myself. And she now treats me like a toy. I spoke my whole heart and mind to her and she deals me out. So be it. She's helped me sort a few bits out in my head, but I have to change how I act now.
It's like the switch got thrown and all the lights turned on at once. I see things more shiny now. I know what I must do. I know what I really feel and how to deal with it. The code is my only truth now. My history are my facts, my feelings are my reality, but the code is now my truth. Doesn't make the hurt any less scalding. Dont make the sting still potent.
But at least now, I know what I must do about my own happiness. And none here can help me with that, least of all those I used to hold on high. Eros and Apollo guide me.
November 30th, year 102 PA
Deeper into the wilderness
Dragons can be such a pain in the rumpus. Kima's been very angry, but she just wont give up. I tried apologizing, that just made her bitter. I tried offering her my throat, that made her turn playful. I don't know what she wants, but I'm no longer in the caring mode.
Okay, that's not true. I still care about her. I still feel hurt by her, deeply, even though I know more truths about myself now. What really boggles me is that Elex keeps trying to tell me he knows my pain, he wants to help and then when I ask for help he turns into a book of short sayings. He's blocking for her, not worried about helping me. Which is fine. I don't want his help. She doesn't need his help. I think they have a strange relationship between them. I know they're close, but... I dont know, just something there feels awkward, unspoken.
Not for me to say, it's almost creepy.
December 3rd, year 102 PA
Deeper into the Wilderness
I get the strange feeling that that we're being watched. I know that's probably been the case all along, but that run in we had with the Dog Boys makes it more obvious. We're getting closer to something that has a lot of people's attention, yet nobody's telling us anything.
I wonder if Elex realizes I took that dagger in the chest to keep it from finding a nice warm spot between ribs in his back. Not that it matters. I'm coming to the realization that I'm a weapon now, more than anything. All this oracle stuff hasn't happened in a while now, other than the dreams of everyone I know now being dead and roasting in metal-fire. He thought to try to mitigate my "emotional problems" not realizing that I no longer have them. It's almost like he's guilty about something. Not sure what that might be, but it doesn't matter.
I've decided, after this thing with Nigel is done, I'm leaving this group. Juarez makes me crazy. They don't need me with such stout warriors as Elex, Jeff, Pherenike and LG. There are other things, other places I want to see about, perhaps find a way to contact my father's clan. And to be perfectly honest, I've always felt like I'm just extra in this group anyways. I mean, I think I needed to see them, learn from them, but I don't feel that Eros needs me to stay with them. Apollo's teachings are to seek knowledge. Eros' teachings for warriors are to find your passion and defend it. I'm doing neither within this crew.
I wonder if they even know that they're behaving in all the ways they accuse me of being a bad youngun for. Adults can be blind when they're busy being judgemental, I guess. I have to remind myself not to fall into that trap. For now, I'll just keep my tone civil, keep my eyes open and let my heart heal without letting them hurt it anymore.
Cleo seems to be the only one that doesn't judge me. She keeps me honest, she's like a beloved aunt to me. I hope she knows how much I do trust her. I only hope that when I leave she's not hurt. I wont prevent her from coming with me, but I wont make it a condition or command. I don't command her. We just work well together.
Still, can't help but feel that something bad is about to drop out of the wind.
December 8th, year 102 PA
Campsite by the Creek.
We pulled a demon off a tree today. Someone crucified a demon, who admits he's evil, and everyone is all happy and having a drinking party around him. Guy talks like it's the only way he can breathe.
We also found a bunch of wrecks. To be honest, I don't know what they were, or who took them out, but there was enough scorched and melted metal involved to clearly say they ran afoul of someone with a lot of plasma weaponry. For some odd reason, My reports weren't enough. Soon as Cleo and I set out to find a camp site with some running water (our fresh water was running low), Elex had to go search the site out as well. I'm beginning to think that people other than me are paranoid in this war party.
Okay, not so much beginning, just seeing more evidence. Kima seems fully fascinated with the demon. So does Anna. Which is fine by me. The dude sets my teeth to wiggling something fierce. He makes one little step out of line, though, and I'll blow his head and his body so far apart in opposite directions you could pass a mountain range inbetwixt. I don't know why the others are so impressed by this Sky Masterson person. He's too shiny, too slimy and too much air all at once.
I'm really beginning to doubt my pledge to follow Anna's orders about this guy. If someone put a demon up on a tree and bound him with spikes through the limbs.... and he couldn't get himself down... stands to reason they had a reason to do so. And that there was probably something more than just metal and wood holding the beast to his fate.
But I'm just a dumb kid that they chose to follow into the wilderness to go attack a villain that none of them knows personally, none of them has any beef against and that, to be perfectly honest, has them dancing with pistols at their own shadows. For such a group of dedicated individuals, they sure seem ready to be led by the nose into a trap. For all we know, Nigel's no where near where wes heading. I should have argued harder to find Psyscape. Now I'm bound by my oath to see this through to the end. Eros and Apollo guide me.
Late December, not really sure of the date.
Washington District of Columbia, Capitol of the Old American Empire
I've left the group. Maybe in later pages I'll list where they are, since if this is found, I don't want anyone getting onto their trail. There's simply too much coincidences happening, and not enough listening to logic going on. And all of them are still trusting that dangerous blood drinker Gash.
I'm too angry right now to put all my thoughts into words. Too much running sideways in my head to make sense of it all. What I do know is that if I didn't leave that place, didn't leave the hypocrisy I'd have wound up killing someone. I don't know why I'm such a wreck right now. It's like I'm angry at everything and anyone.
Am I really that angsty? Eros forbid! I just wanted them to be safe. Use a little caution around Gash. I know she's been fighting on our side a while now, but you caint trust vampires. Ever. It's a law of nature. Gravity pulls you down, the sun comes up on the opposite side of where it goes down, and the only good vampire is a roasted one.
Dunno what's gotten into Kima where she wont at least listen to reason. Maybe it's jitters that Nigel is so close. I don't know. Only thing I do know is I can't raise a hand against her. Eros only knows why she has such pull over me. If she only knew... if the others only knew. Everyone assumes that Silvie or Cleo have plucked my flower. I guess it's weird that the only girl I ever liked that way isn't even human. I love her but I don't know what to do. Eros and Apollo I just wish
(End of Writing)
Silvie's River Overlook camp At Hustler's Gulch, about fifteen kilometers due northwest of Juarez
I am told that we had another visitation from the evil dreams that keep filtering into my head. And this time, I cost some poor cousin his mind. At my much ignored request, the "old folk" have decided it's probably best to get me out of Juarez. LG has gone with me and I have Astraphos, of course, but other than that, we're alone. Cleo should be along soon. I'm already feeling better just being outside of Juarez's walls. I know it's not as safe out here, but I feel more at peace away from that city.
I don't know what will happen next, as far as our overriding plans. Anna seems to be in campaign mode. I don't know how much of it is watching a mind melter get stripped down to a puddle of drooling idiot by something that can reach out and touch someone through me or if she's still just reeling from the loss of her ships and folk. I might not much agree with piracy, but her crew was good folk, they were doing amazing things round that wasted city. I hope wherever their souls go, it's someplace shiny, Apollo and Eros grant.
Elex is still a mystery to me. When I went out with Silvie, he seemed so strong, so wise. The very model of the modern major cyberknight. Now, it's like he's gone tribal. Okay, I get that he's got a girl friend or wife or whatever the situation is with him and Miss Chu'si. And I don't begrudge him that. But he come back from the woods dressed in animal skins and such, and he hasn't much changed back into his other clothes. And he keeps telling me he's not a cyberknight anymore? My confusion grows and he's not exactly been all scholarly and teachery.
Master Jeff seems to be the only cyberknight around I can trust or talk to and even he's a bit distant from me. I don't understand. He was all gung-ho about teaching me, now he's kinda flaky. I guess him and the Captain are still working to fix things up. Theys invested lots of time and treasure and heart in Juarez. Scary stuff keeps happening all around their home and they still keep trying. Gotta respect that kind of dedication. Definitely respect that will to do right by folks. Guess maybe they figure I'm a lost cause since I went to hunt bad guys with Silvie. Well, there is that evil doom prophet thing and how I keep telling them how dumb they are for letting Gash go.
That keeps bothering me. I should have killed her. I know it's not the right thing to just walk up to her and pop my blade in her forehead. I can't help it. My folk always have hated vampires. Caint trust em, caint deal plain with em, caint even expect them to do what's in their own best interest if it includes something good for you. And with my visions and what I see Gash doing to LG...
That bothers me too. Lately, my feelings for her have gotten very strong. Which doesn't make sense. I like my own kind, and I know she's not. There aint a possible way to make anything like that happen with her. I don't even know why I feel like this. I mean, okay, part of it is that I want to protect folk. But any cyberknight would do that. Part of it is that she's a friend. And she is pretty in just about every form of hers I've seen. I just wonder what these weird feelings in me are about her. Is it Love? Eros guide me.
November 16, year 102 PA
Somewhere near the border of old Texas and old Louisiana
I feel things getting a bit crazy in my head. We've been traveling for days, moving slowly. I guess it's better than just driving ahead full speed and finding more trouble than we're already hunting.
Cleo and I have been paired up as advance scouts. Makes shiny sense to me. I'm not worried about them liking this pairing in order to talk behind my back. I pretty much know they think I'm more than a little touched betwixt the ears. The fact that Cleo hasn't gone running screaming from me with her hair on fire proves she's a true friend.
It's been decided that we run east, inland from the mighty Gulf of Mexico. We aren't much far from the Bay of New Orleans, and I feel eyes are all over us. I hear that the folk that settled these swampy planes and forestlands are called Cajuns. So far they've not made much peep about us being near their lands. Mayhap they'll just let us slip through without no dust up. Some parts of the crew is looking like they'd like a fight. I dont know if they just be bored, or if they be reacting to the tension everyone feels.
We had a bad storm two nights back, which was good in many ways. It allowed us to refill our drinking water, I and more than a few others also took the opportunity to wash some of the road we done walked off us. Mixing dirt is good, sometimes, but not smelling like a hog stable is better. We managed to down a few dino's the other day, so we're good on meat for a while.
November 20th, year 102 PA
The hills of dinosaur swamp, somewhere in old Alabama (best guess)
Well, now its all twisted innards. The little friend in my head has come out to play again. He nearly got me killed and then started spilling secrets from inside my own rather empty cranium. Kima nearly crushed my sternum. Elex was insane, attacking me. Then Nigel took over my body, talking sideways out my rectum.
So, with a angry dragon in camp, I told her about my feelings. things I don't rightly recon myself. And she now treats me like a toy. I spoke my whole heart and mind to her and she deals me out. So be it. She's helped me sort a few bits out in my head, but I have to change how I act now.
It's like the switch got thrown and all the lights turned on at once. I see things more shiny now. I know what I must do. I know what I really feel and how to deal with it. The code is my only truth now. My history are my facts, my feelings are my reality, but the code is now my truth. Doesn't make the hurt any less scalding. Dont make the sting still potent.
But at least now, I know what I must do about my own happiness. And none here can help me with that, least of all those I used to hold on high. Eros and Apollo guide me.
November 30th, year 102 PA
Deeper into the wilderness
Dragons can be such a pain in the rumpus. Kima's been very angry, but she just wont give up. I tried apologizing, that just made her bitter. I tried offering her my throat, that made her turn playful. I don't know what she wants, but I'm no longer in the caring mode.
Okay, that's not true. I still care about her. I still feel hurt by her, deeply, even though I know more truths about myself now. What really boggles me is that Elex keeps trying to tell me he knows my pain, he wants to help and then when I ask for help he turns into a book of short sayings. He's blocking for her, not worried about helping me. Which is fine. I don't want his help. She doesn't need his help. I think they have a strange relationship between them. I know they're close, but... I dont know, just something there feels awkward, unspoken.
Not for me to say, it's almost creepy.
December 3rd, year 102 PA
Deeper into the Wilderness
I get the strange feeling that that we're being watched. I know that's probably been the case all along, but that run in we had with the Dog Boys makes it more obvious. We're getting closer to something that has a lot of people's attention, yet nobody's telling us anything.
I wonder if Elex realizes I took that dagger in the chest to keep it from finding a nice warm spot between ribs in his back. Not that it matters. I'm coming to the realization that I'm a weapon now, more than anything. All this oracle stuff hasn't happened in a while now, other than the dreams of everyone I know now being dead and roasting in metal-fire. He thought to try to mitigate my "emotional problems" not realizing that I no longer have them. It's almost like he's guilty about something. Not sure what that might be, but it doesn't matter.
I've decided, after this thing with Nigel is done, I'm leaving this group. Juarez makes me crazy. They don't need me with such stout warriors as Elex, Jeff, Pherenike and LG. There are other things, other places I want to see about, perhaps find a way to contact my father's clan. And to be perfectly honest, I've always felt like I'm just extra in this group anyways. I mean, I think I needed to see them, learn from them, but I don't feel that Eros needs me to stay with them. Apollo's teachings are to seek knowledge. Eros' teachings for warriors are to find your passion and defend it. I'm doing neither within this crew.
I wonder if they even know that they're behaving in all the ways they accuse me of being a bad youngun for. Adults can be blind when they're busy being judgemental, I guess. I have to remind myself not to fall into that trap. For now, I'll just keep my tone civil, keep my eyes open and let my heart heal without letting them hurt it anymore.
Cleo seems to be the only one that doesn't judge me. She keeps me honest, she's like a beloved aunt to me. I hope she knows how much I do trust her. I only hope that when I leave she's not hurt. I wont prevent her from coming with me, but I wont make it a condition or command. I don't command her. We just work well together.
Still, can't help but feel that something bad is about to drop out of the wind.
December 8th, year 102 PA
Campsite by the Creek.
We pulled a demon off a tree today. Someone crucified a demon, who admits he's evil, and everyone is all happy and having a drinking party around him. Guy talks like it's the only way he can breathe.
We also found a bunch of wrecks. To be honest, I don't know what they were, or who took them out, but there was enough scorched and melted metal involved to clearly say they ran afoul of someone with a lot of plasma weaponry. For some odd reason, My reports weren't enough. Soon as Cleo and I set out to find a camp site with some running water (our fresh water was running low), Elex had to go search the site out as well. I'm beginning to think that people other than me are paranoid in this war party.
Okay, not so much beginning, just seeing more evidence. Kima seems fully fascinated with the demon. So does Anna. Which is fine by me. The dude sets my teeth to wiggling something fierce. He makes one little step out of line, though, and I'll blow his head and his body so far apart in opposite directions you could pass a mountain range inbetwixt. I don't know why the others are so impressed by this Sky Masterson person. He's too shiny, too slimy and too much air all at once.
I'm really beginning to doubt my pledge to follow Anna's orders about this guy. If someone put a demon up on a tree and bound him with spikes through the limbs.... and he couldn't get himself down... stands to reason they had a reason to do so. And that there was probably something more than just metal and wood holding the beast to his fate.
But I'm just a dumb kid that they chose to follow into the wilderness to go attack a villain that none of them knows personally, none of them has any beef against and that, to be perfectly honest, has them dancing with pistols at their own shadows. For such a group of dedicated individuals, they sure seem ready to be led by the nose into a trap. For all we know, Nigel's no where near where wes heading. I should have argued harder to find Psyscape. Now I'm bound by my oath to see this through to the end. Eros and Apollo guide me.
Late December, not really sure of the date.
Washington District of Columbia, Capitol of the Old American Empire
I've left the group. Maybe in later pages I'll list where they are, since if this is found, I don't want anyone getting onto their trail. There's simply too much coincidences happening, and not enough listening to logic going on. And all of them are still trusting that dangerous blood drinker Gash.
I'm too angry right now to put all my thoughts into words. Too much running sideways in my head to make sense of it all. What I do know is that if I didn't leave that place, didn't leave the hypocrisy I'd have wound up killing someone. I don't know why I'm such a wreck right now. It's like I'm angry at everything and anyone.
Am I really that angsty? Eros forbid! I just wanted them to be safe. Use a little caution around Gash. I know she's been fighting on our side a while now, but you caint trust vampires. Ever. It's a law of nature. Gravity pulls you down, the sun comes up on the opposite side of where it goes down, and the only good vampire is a roasted one.
Dunno what's gotten into Kima where she wont at least listen to reason. Maybe it's jitters that Nigel is so close. I don't know. Only thing I do know is I can't raise a hand against her. Eros only knows why she has such pull over me. If she only knew... if the others only knew. Everyone assumes that Silvie or Cleo have plucked my flower. I guess it's weird that the only girl I ever liked that way isn't even human. I love her but I don't know what to do. Eros and Apollo I just wish
(End of Writing)
