Flip's Logue

[Flip]

Flip's IMs.

[Flip]

Session Start (292925541:Ed3): Sun Jan 22 00:33:03 2006
Flip: so where did mig tell flip hsieh was?
Ed3: probably in her room.
Flip: *knocks*
Flip: *knocks again*
Ed3: Hsieh opens the door after a long time, she smiles "hello flip, sorry
about the wait, I have gotten used to having Tzu to answer the door while
I'm meditating."
Flip: *grins and scratches his head* "hey no problem, i do have some
patience about me, if not much"
Flip: "actually mig told me a while ago i should come see you, and yesterday
art came as close to ordering me to do it as he comes. they think you can
help me with a problem i've been experiencing"
Ed3: "oh?"
Flip: "i don't know how to explain it all that well, but this memory keeps
haunting me, vividly too, i can remember everything about it, and have seen
it so many times now, i can almost count the snowflakes as they fall"
*shrugs* "it's an important memory an' all, so i don't wanna lose it, but as
is..." *shakes head* "if i sit still for any length of time..."
Ed3: She nods "Come in side." She holds the door for you.
Flip: *does so*
Flip: *scratches the back of his neck nervously, unsure of what to say*
Ed3: She motions for you to sit in the middle of a large empty room.
Flip: *does so*
Flip: *if she doesn't say anything for a few minutes, flip starts to fidget*
Ed3: She sits quietly facing you, in a medatative position, watching you
without saying anything.
Flip: *gives her questioning glances every now and again, feeling very
akward*
Flip: *after about five minutes if she still doesn't answer, he'll start
sweating* " so, uh, do you think ya can help? i, uh, i mean... if ya can't
i'd understand yaknow?"
Flip: *if she doesn't respond at all to his questions, he starts sweating
more and biting his lip. making suggestions that he could go if she wanted,
but wouldn't actually move to leave without her saying anything (not wanting
to be rude)*
Flip: *after about 20-30 minutes of akwardness, with no form of distractions
he'll probably fall into a flashback, of course all she'll see is him
grippiing himself at his elbows, eyes clenching, a sudden suck in and
holding of breath, and biting his lip til it turns white*

Ed3: you start to have your usual flash back, but it's different somehow.
Where before there was nothing but grief, now there is a warm comforting
presence with you, and someone places a gentle hand on your shoulder.
Flip: (you wanna run trough the flashback? i got it written down here
somwhere...)
Ed3: ok
Flip: (flip's about 9 or 10 years old if i rememebr the timeline right, it
starts out when he's coming home with some groceries, and coming in to see
his mother coughing up a storm, he'd run in to help hold her up while til
the fit ended)
Flip: (most of this will be right out of the background obviously, unless
hsieh says anything)
Flip: (though in warning it's mostly him sitting there through her last
words)
Ed3: thats fine
Flip: "Terry…" She would never call him Flip like he'd asked before,
truthfully it didn't really sound right coming from her anyway. "Terry,
you're so special. You're going to make us all proud one day you know that?"
"Yeah Ma, I know."

Flip: It was the same thing day after day she always said it, like she knew
about his powers before he did.
"Terry, listen to me, I can see it in you, even now, you keep practicing at
what it is you like to do, or what comes naturally to you. You're my smart
little man, and you can do anything if you try."

Flip: "Terry, listen to me honey, I'm not going to be around much longer,
and you may have to fend for yourself, but don't blame the people here, they
put up with us for so long, they had no reason too, and yet they've never
said an evil word to us."
This was new. It was true though, only a few would speak a kind word to
them, but there were none who spoke cruel ones either. She was constantly
saying she wouldn't be around much longer… but now there seemed more belief
in it. She seemed finally convinced.

Flip: "I see much of your father in you, you know that? Your black hair,
your eyes, your kindness. I can see it all, almost exactly as I remember
him. Terry, he was a good man, he always gave even the most evil of people a
chance, and he never would take death lightly. It hurts when things die
Terry, never let that hurt go, it's supposed to hurt. It reminds us to
search for other ways to deal with things."
He knew death hurt, he was losing her. She always thought about others, and
never herself. He couldn't understand how…

Flip: (i don't realize how much of a windbag i am til years later when i go
back to read this stuff ya know?)
Ed3: (thought flip had brown hair...)
Flip: (he does. i've been waiting for someone to ask that, it was a jazzball
league thing. everyone on the team bleached their hair for a a show of
unity, problem is flip never managed to get his natural hair color back, nor
does he care, he finds the light brown suits him)
Flip: (delilah's blue hair still works with the black and purple though)
Ed3: You suddenly become aware of a change in yourself in the flashback
Ed3: you aren't a child any more
Flip: (we're near banging our heads on the roof of their little hut then)
Flip: *blinks and looks around , if can*
Ed3: you can do anything you want
Flip: "w..what's going on?"
Ed3: Hsieh gives your shoulder a comforting squeeze "This is your mind flip.
you can do what you choose. you are not a child any more."
Flip: "i see... i guess you already know this is part of what i suually see,
when i.. you know..."
Ed3: She nods "you lost far less than you think in this shack, and far more
than you know by letting that loss rule you."
Flip: *shakes head* "yeah, now i have family and friends that i've made over
the years... I know that, i never seen Whitewall shine til after this day,
but then... hsieh, she was my world... losing her then would be like losing
evveryone i know here... watching jez, delilah, a... and everyone else
wither away for months, before one morning i just can't seem to wake yas
up..." *kneels down beside his mother*
Ed3: Hsieh shakes her head "What do you THINK happened to your mother?"
Flip: *shakes head* "i'm... i'm not really sure. something just seemed to
eat at her slowly. she used to go for long walks in the rain forest near
here. then the walks grew shorter, to nothing at all, when she stoped being
able to bring in groceries or make medicines for others, i started taking
care of her.... it was three months at that point of watching her get to
this state... even as a kid i could pick her up easily... i don't know what
i;;ness she died from... i just know she died..."
Flip: *illness
Flip: "this is goonna sound sadistic,but i almost wish it was someone that
took her away from me, some demon, anything but this... i can't fight
against something like this, i have no way of protecting her... not like
this...she deserved someone to protect her...there's nothing i could do...
not a d**n thing..."
Ed3: Hsieh shaks her head "thats not what I meant. My question was about
after you lost contact with her."
Flip: "after i... wha? i don't get you hsieh. she's gonna fall asleep soon
after she finishes talking, then never wake up... this is the last time she
spoke... then she dies. then i see her again next time i have to relive
this..."
Flip: the only thing that happens to her after that, is a stone tomb in
basement... which is a shame really, she loved plants and animals.. i'm sure
she woulda wanted her grave to see the sun."
Ed3: Hsieh frowns Didn't joshua take any time to teach you philosophy or
anything spiritual?"
Flip: (did he?)
Ed3: (probably not much, he acknowledges the existance of gods but
persionally has little use for them)
Flip: "not really..." *looks puzzled*
Ed3: She sighs and pinches a bit of skin on your arm, not hard enough to
hurt just enough that thrre is something to hold on to "do you think that
this... this crude flesh is you?"
Flip: "yes."
Ed3: "Is mig dead then?"
Flip: "no...." *look utterly baffled* "unless he did something new i'm not
aware of, or athar suddenly went on a rampage...?"
Flip: "wait, yer referring to his body swap aren't you?"
Ed3: "But the body you see when you look at him is not the flesh he was born
with, that body is gone. if the flesh is what you are, than Mig must be
dead. Jezebel too, since her current body is not the one that Lon'gnel
turned into a twisted wreck. if the flesh is truely the person then your
wife was dead before you married her, and the woman you lie with at night is
not who she claims to be."
Flip: "but they were just magicked into new bodies, that doesn't count...
deos it?"
Ed3: "I don't know. if the flesh is truely the person, then taking away that
flesh would be killing the person, wouldn't it?"
Flip: "if that were true plastic surgery cybernetics, and bionics would all
be a real bummer"
Ed3: "So," she pinches you again "Is this really you?"
Flip: "i was certain about that two seconds ago... not all there is to me
to be sure but it's definitely a part of me..."
Ed3: "How about this?" she pinches your shirt in the same way and tugs on it
Flip: "uh... no?" *now no longer sure*
Ed3: "this" she tugs on the shirt "is the same as this" she tugs on your
skin "we simply wear our skin longer, and people are more upset when we take
it off."
Flip: "gotta say that one's a new one on me"
Flip: "so you must be asking where mom is, without her skin?"
Ed3: She nods
Ed3: She justures to the body "that is just the clothes for her soul to wear
in this world. now that she is done with it, where is she?"
Flip: "if your talking about ghosts and spirits and things, i have no idea
where my mom's new haunt is hseih. i've never even considered it"
Ed3: "Perhaps thats why you have such trouble with this, you have only
considered her existance up to the moment you lost touch with her, and never
thought that she would have an existance after that."
Flip: "no, not really, i'm not religious by any stretch of the imagination,
so anything about an after life i just don't know anything about... i don't
remember if she worshipped anybody either, she never told me about anything
like that at any rate. i woulda been too young to understand it anyway"
Ed3: Hsieh shakes her head "Do you think that gods are so careless that they
would leave something priceless laying in the dust simply because their name
wasn't on it?"
Flip: "well no, but... i don't know, i'm getting lost here"
Flip: "but gramps wouldn't leave a penny sitting in the dust let alone
anything precious, i'm guessing the gods would be doin 'bout the same"
Ed3: She nods "and don't you think that there are gods who valued the things
your mother did, who would welcom her into their paradise because of her
merits?"
Flip: "they would!?" *eyes widen* "i guess they would, wouldn't they? i mean
one person's treasure and all that, me and allof Whitewall, well what little
Whitewall was way back when, we treasure'd 'er, but i ...d'ya think the
god's'd have the same taste as us?"
Ed3: "Why not? you have met several. what have you noticed about them, as
people?"
Flip: "uh, actually i always stayed on keelie when we went to asgaurd,
except once when we went to visit Vidar..." (i always seem to miss those
nights)
Flip: (asugard or whatver the place ois called, my memory totally sucks)
Ed3: "Well lets see, you've met Vidar, thoth, and Tsadjya, and of course
have become quire familiar with Joshua... Notice anything?"
Flip: "tsadja's painfuul to be close to. thoth is everything you'd imagine a
god to be, and joshua's having trouble with thinking himself as a god, let
alone how i'm trying to figure that one out"
Flip: "i really don't know much about deites other than to do my best to
avoid their bad side hsieh"
Ed3: "notice anything unusual about them, compaired to the people of they
land they are from?"
Flip: "extremely powerful, and they seem to be the very persona of the vibes
their people tend to give off. like the ultimate stereotypes of their
people, from what i've seen or heard anyway"
Flip: "i'm not exactly great a judge of a person at first impressions."
*smiles slighty a little sheepishly* "too trusting i guess"
Ed3: "you do fine. but, sine there are gods everywhere else, dosn't it stand
to reason that there are gods here who value the things the people here do?"
Flip: "i'd imagine so. Whitewall don't worship any in paticular though,
there's some around, but religion's a free action and ain't restricted as
long as it ain't causing harm to no one"
Flip: "but i'm afraid my first answer is still the right one to your
question, i have no idea where mom is or would be"
Ed3: "but now you know she isn't burried in a hole in a basement..."
Flip: *nods* "i'm glad of that... especially knowing that's where they
wannna put me too.." *makes a funny face* "i know it's an honor thing for
them to make a family tomb for us and all but.. guh..."
Ed3: She chuckles
Ed3: Bed time
Flip: a good idea. night dude
Ed3: night

[Flip]

Flip: *heads to room, and probably for the first time jez's ever known him to, is attempting to meditate*
Ed3: She stays in the next room, so you can have peace, but leaves the door open a crack so you can hear her playing with Delilah.
Flip: *smiles, and tries to go about it. in some hopes it won't be as crap for him this time, but before it begins falls to a very nervous habit and goes out to see jez, within 20 minutes later.*
Ed3: Jezebel smiles at you "Need company love?"
Flip: *smiles nervously* "i think i suck at this." *tries to hide a slight tremor in his voice as a laugh*
Ed3: She frowns "No, your just new to it. Lets try together." She calls keelie to watch delilah (not that there is much that can hurt an invulnerable baby, but still...)
Flip: (maybe distract, rather than watch is the better term?)
Flip: *smiles* "i went to see hseih yesterday, she was telling me stuff, that should make it go easier, or at least she thinks so, and maybe it will, i'd.. like to know, ya know?"
Flip: *heads in with her*
Flip: "thanks keelie"
Ed3: Jezebel nods and smiles "So how would you like to meditate?"
Flip: "uh, i only know the one way..."
Flip: "the whole sitting down and emptying yer mind deal."
Ed3: She sits down in front of you in a similar position, but instead of resting her hands on her knees as is traditional, she places them on your's
Flip: *smiles at her appeciatively and nervously, before trying again* (with distractions available, and being comfortable, it'd probably take a little longer to happen than it did with hsieh, probably between 40 min to an hour)
Flip: *probably goes through the same effects as last time, ragged breathing, trembling, sweating and such. before hitting the flashback*
Ed3: you distandly feel Jezebel moving behind you to hold you while you go through it.
Flip: *when it ends, comes out of it gasping, and watery eyes*
Flip: *leans back on jez, drained* "how is it that i'm not supposed to hurt seeing her like that?"
Ed3: Jezebel shakes her head "It's ok to hurt sometimes, and it's ok to miss her, but you should live here, bot there."
Flip: *chuckles sadly* "if i could stop it, believe me, i would, heck ,i'm trying to.
Flip: "ut it's a little difficult when she comes to visit me every quiet peaceful moment i have."
Ed3: "Maybe you should ask her to stop. We know a bunch of gods maybe one can find her..."
Flip: "find her? as in see her again?" *scoots around to face her* "i've, never even thought... i mean, this is the first day i've even considered her havin' an afterlife let alone that. "
Ed3: "I think that most people have them, maybe everyone does, I spent a long time in hell where you met me, there were a lot of dead people around..." She frowns and then looks at you "um... not that I think your mother is in hell... I..." she frowns.
Flip: "no, no, i know what you mean, if you can think of something, go ahead and speak yer mind"
Ed3: She nods "Well maybe you should ask art, he has a lot of gods who are friends, maybe one owes him a favor..."
Flip: *nods* "that's probably a good idea, but i really don't wanna bug him with me troubles on this one. my mom's already in her grave, when we should be concentrating on keeping uni out of hers... not taht i want to put this off! i just... mom withered away in front of me, and there's nothing i could do, i don't wanna see it happen to uni, when there's IS something we can do, ya know?"
Ed3: She nods "Maybe you should see Hsieh some more then, i'm not really trained for this sort of thing, I'm more specialized in tension relief, but she seemed to help."
Flip: *hugs and kisses her* "yer kidding right? from just what ya've helped me with, you could write a self help book."
Flip: *smiles, finally stopped shaking*
Ed3: She snuggles "I'm glad I could help."
Flip: *smiels* "now before i go see to any more of the most dreary part of my life, how about we go see bev and all that junk that keelie keeps announcing eh?"
Ed3: She nods "sounds great."
Flip: *helps her get delilah ready to go, thanks keelie, for baby distraction, and heads off with them to join the others*

[Flip]

[00:57] Flip: *knocks on hsieh's door*
[00:57] Ed3: She opens the door "hello flip"
[00:58] Flip: "hey hseih. how's things?"
[00:59] Ed3: "I am doing quite well. how are you feeling?"
[01:02] Flip: "well.. the usual i guess. s'pose it's hard to say, it's been busy this past month, it's hard to keep from drinking when it's tossed under your nose every half a moment" *laughs sheepishly*
[01:06] Ed3: She nods "old habits are hard to overcome, particularly when old wounds are being reopened."
[01:08] Flip: "heh, and i seem to be especially good at picking them up" *scratches the back of his head* "don't mind if we talk about the last time a bit d'ya?"
[01:10] Ed3: "Not at all." she motionms for you to come in "Iwas making myself some tea, would you like some?"
[01:11] Flip: *nods* "yes, please. how are your new students getting along?"
[01:11] Flip: *comes in*
[01:12] Ed3: "they are angry and depressed."
[01:13] Flip: *chuckles* "i know the feelings. no improvements yet then?"
[01:16] Ed3: "It will take time. and truthfully i wasn't the person who did the most for Tsu, it was the people who befriended her."
[01:17] Flip: "no one's been hanging out with these two yet then..? did you rename them yet, or are they still math, and...uh... the toher one?"
[01:17] Ed3: She chuckles "Hel."
[01:19] Flip: "yeah, so sticking with those?"
[01:20] Flip: "actually i don't mind them as much as i did tzu's. i find them a little more, i don't know, creative?"
[01:21] Ed3: "They are the names of gods of death."
[01:22] Flip: *looks surprised* "someone named a god of death after 'math'? i know it's a bit difficult to learn, but that's a little overboard!"
[01:23] Ed3: "Math is the name of a celtic god of death, and it has nothing to do with the shortened for mof the word arithmateic."
[01:24] Flip: "oh..." *scratches the back of his head and blushes* "sorry."
[01:28] Ed3: She smiles "Don't worry about it."
[01:32] Flip: *grins, then takes on a more somber look, and sits down with the tea* "i suppose i oughta start with what's been buggin' me 'bout what we ended up figurin' it was last time, eh...?"
[01:36] Ed3: She nods and motions for you to continue while she sips her tea.
[01:36] Flip: "I was wondering'... do you really think, you know... talkin' to mom, would really help?"
[01:38] Ed3: "What do you think she wants for you?"
[01:41] Flip: "same things she always wanted. the best for me... which is why i don't rally wanna tell 'er. i mean i'd love to see and talk to 'er again, but not about this, she's in 'er peaceful after life, right? it'd only hurt 'er if she found out memories of 'er are kicking me in the head every now and again"
[01:41] Flip: *rubs one shoulder unconsciously, and casts his gaze into his tea*
[01:53] Flip: "i mean, it's not like she's doin' it. this is just 'my' messed up head... "
[02:30] Ed3: "Well since you know she dosn't want this..." she shrugs
[02:34] Flip: "which leaves me back at step one, of havin' no idea on what to do, just one thing i know, i don't want to do..." *chuckles* "i hope this ins't going to be a process of elimination thing, or i'll be buggered by this fer the rest of m'life"
[02:36] Ed3: She shakes her head "No, you just have to accept what happened and the fact that you can't change it. after that, the rest will be easy."
[02:38] Flip: "i... was pretty sure i already have. it's hard not to know it happened, when ya've seen it happen as much as i have"
[02:44] Ed3: "knowing it happened and accepting that it kappened are very different things."
[02:45] Flip: *frowns* "i'm not sure how..."
[02:48] Ed3: "it is the difference between taking a cup of tea and drinking a cup of tea. you are holding the cup in your hand, and cannot use your hand because you fear spilling the tea, you need to drink the tea and put down the cup, so that you can gain from the experience and so that you can face the world with two free hands."
[02:50] Flip: "the only difference being, i know how to drik the tea"
[02:55] Flip: "if knowin' it ain't enough, i ain't got no clues on how to go accpetin' things"
[03:52] Ed3: "The same way you drink tea. you must absorb it all, then break it down, keeping the parts that make you stronger, and discarding the poisons."
[03:58] Flip: "Then, which step am i on in the process? still absorbin' it? and if so... how do i take in more than i already have?"
[04:01] Ed3: no, you are on the secons step, but you have reversed it, you have throne out the parts that give you strength and are only drinking the poisons."
[04:02] Flip: "yeah, sounds like somethin' i'd do..." *chuckles and takes a simall sip* "seems i got a thing for poisons..."

[Flip]

Continued...

Ed3: no, you are on the second step, but you have reversed it, you have thrown out the parts that give you strength and are only drinking the poisons."
Flip: "yeah, sounds like somethin' i'd do..." *chuckles and takes a simall sip* "seems i got a thing for poisons..."
Flip: "i guess the real question is, how do i go back to do it right?"
Ed3: Look at it, and see what it did for you, and what it did to you."
Flip: "other than the flashbacks? i suppose it gave me the chance to get tutored and all though. and i never knew how really great Whiteall was til then, it's why i owe that town everythng i have."
Ed3: She shakes her head "No, that is not what I mean. Emotionally, mentally, what did you gain from the experience itself."
Flip: "it hurt? i don't know how to describe it more than that..."
Ed3: "Do you think, that even with the education that you recieved, that you would be the man you are without it?"
Flip: *frowns* "don't know, even the smallest thing in a dude's life might change him to a completely different outlook"
Flip: "i don't know lots, but i do know change tends to be pretty random, sometimes no matter how hard you work at it it only crawls along, then in a split second it picks you up and sets you down 10 miles ahead or behind facing a whole new direction."
Ed3: "And this change?"
Flip: "that change in paticular threw me into orphan status. for the next two years, gramps had me tutored, i took up photography, and was foster homed in half the town and ate supper in the other half" *shakes head* it changed everything over night, then everything changed again when we all found out that i could nul things"
Ed3: "And?"
Flip: "i don't know, it hurt, i had to start pretending to be happy after that. i didn't know about faking smiles before all that"
Ed3: "And why did you fake smiles?"
Flip: "well, they were doin' so much for me, right? you don't let that kinda thing go unappreciated. they wanted me to smile, the least i could do was smile."
Flip: "they all took turns takin' care of me when i had nothin' to offer at all. that's how i know they're all so awesome. "
Ed3: "So you drank in a poison that said you have no rigfht to be sad sometimes."
[Flip: "being sad don't help anyone, if there's time to cry about something, then there's time to do somethin' bout it. that's how i work, ya know?"
Ed3: She shakes her head "No, everything is balance in life, if there is time to laugh there is also time to cry."
Flip: "i don't know about that. i don't like thinking there's balance of evil and good, it kinda means were fighting a never ending war"
Ed3: She shakes her head "That is because you don't understand, in balance there is a place for the pleasant and unpleasant aspects of normal life, a place for dancing, and for stumbling, a place for laughing and crying, a place for work and rest, a place for birth and death, a place for celebration and mourning. That is good. Evil upsets the balance and wants to take all that is pleasant for itself and inflict the unpleasant on others."
Flip: "so there is no balance of good and evil?"
Ed3: "How can there be balance between harmony and upheaval? or for that matter how can anything have balance with that which seeks to upset all balances?"
Flip: *shakes head* "no idea, which is why i didn't like to think that there was"
Flip: "i just don't like that there's supposed to be an equal amount hurt in people's lives, i'm trying to do what i can to protect people from that after all"
Flip: *frowns* "i'm either always happy or those rare times i get real angry. i was real bad for that in jazzball, which is why i got banned. i don't really know how to even be sad right, i only ever let jez see me down, and well... you now"
Flip: "in the end, i just wanna do right, and keep people happy"
Ed3: She smiles "yes, but look at your problem. your problem is not that something sad happened, it is that you refuse to accept and deal with the sad thing that happened. eventually you must either digest what you eat or vomit it up."
Flip: "so i'm just supposed to be sad? i ..." *shakes his head and stares back into his tea8 "i don't even know how. my tears dried up a long time ago, i haven't cried since i last seen mom's eyes open"
Ed3: She nods "as I said, you swallowed poison and have come to believe that evil is good." She looks at you intently "or do you think that happiness is the proper response to a profound loss?"
Flip: "i just didn't want to be a downer on the people takin' care o' me. it just didn't seem right, and if you fake your smiles enough, some genuine ones show up on their own"
Flip: "thought both sides'd win like that, ya know?
Ed3: "If you dam a river, does the water stop existing?"
Flip: "no. but there's a lot of water behind it now..."
[Ed3: "And do you think there will be less water if you wait to deal with things?"
Flip: *shakes his head. i need to deal with things, that's why i'm doin' all this. i'm not the only one hurt by these flashbacks anymore, it'll start hurting jez just cause she cares about me, and delilah'll understand it too eventually.... i won't be the cause of hurtin' either of them if i can at all help it"
Flip: "iv'e had a lot of people care about me before, but i kept them far enough away they wouldn't be hurt from this, i can't do that as a father or as a husband. s'not right."
Ed3: Hsieh nods "then you will need to learn that it's alright to be sad. it's a natural part of life."
Flip: "admitting that is easy. i've never condemned others for it, if anything i supported 'em, it just didn't seem right for me to do it.. but i can't force myself to cry hseih, other than punching myself in the nose real hard, or cutting onions, and i doubt either of them count""
Flip: "i set a dam up, and it was pretty damn sturdy. a little too sturdy i figure, now the water's overflowin' and i don't know how to let it down."
Ed3: "You'll figure that our after you have learned the value of whay is behind it."
Flip: how do i go about learnin' that?"
Flip: "or, in words of the anology ya usedm, how do i test the water?" *chuckles*
Ed3: "Sadness is a cleansing experience, you grieve, it passes and you move on."
Flip: ""but i don't even know how to trigger that kinda thing now."
Ed3: "Don't worry about that, just worry about accepting that it's not a bad thing. As long as you believe that it is wrong to be sad it won't happen, when yoau accept what is natural the rest will come on it's own."
Flip: *runs his hands roughly through his hir* "this is frustrating, i can't even cry right, *chuckles* "that's gotta be pathetic on so many levels. i can say cryin's fine as much as i want, but if it even mildly annoys others, i've been tryin' to stop it since before i even picked up a jazzball.. it's like telling me smelling things is bad for you, cut it out. i just do it... there's no thinking about it"
Ed3: She nods "what you need to accept is that Jezebel wants to see your tears, she wants to know that you love her enough to let her see you when you are weak."
Flip: "i trust her with anything, it's just, that's not something that i even show myself..:"
]Flip: "i know how stupid that must sound, but i bottle up my anger, and when it finally blows it's not a pretty picture, i... i don't, i'm not sure what i'd even do if i let that stuff go, i think i'd suffer some kind of nervous break down!" *pained chuckling*
Ed3: "Come with me, I want to show you something." She grabs a small wooden case. and starts to leave the room.
Flip: *nods, gulps tea down, and follows after*
Ed3: She takes you outside and sets out a small table and a small brass bowl "When something is left in the open, unrestrained, it does this." She puts a but if black powder in the bowl and touches it with a taper she lights, there is a flash and some smoke, and a nice loud hiss.
Ed3: She takes out a good sized firecracker "do you need to see what happens when the same force is contained?"
[03:15] Flip: "you didn't relieve any fears i have about my head exploding." *chuckles* "if anything you said, that it's bound to happen. i don't wanna know how much gunpowder i got packed away inta such a tight space..."
Ed3: "Then you'll have to learn how to open the box so that when it's touched by a flame all it does is hiss and smoke."
Flip: "a controlled explosion isn't an easy thing for even an expert to do let alone a know nothing hick, like me."
Ed3: "what is to control?" She unwraps the paper dumps the powder from the firecracker into the bowl and lights it, it hisses and smokes and mages a flash, but nothing dangerous.
Flip: *frowns* "maybe i just have too much control then, I don't know how to let down the barriers i got set up, i don't know how to trigger the inevitable bomb that's built up, and i'm worried if i don't figure it out soon, i'm gonna hurt someone other than just my own stupid self with it"
Flip: *lays on his back and stares up at the sky*
Ed3: "you'll be fine, you just need to adjust."
Flip: "adjust eh? then, i guess i need time." *takes a long deep breath* "you have no idea how much i'm choking for a smoke right now" *chuckles and grins, watching the sky*